blue lips, blue veins

ER again

2010-02-20T20:35:00.002-05:00

Went to the ER last night. Got there before 7pm. Left after 4am. I was so incredibly tired. And so incredibly uncomfortable the whole time we were there. This trip wasn't on my account, but rather John's. His belly button area had turned pretty red and the pain was unbearable. He had blood tests. Got morphine. Did a urine culture. Drank some lovely liquids so he could take a CT scan. Got painkillers. And after all that, nothing could really be done. The problem is, apparently, an umbilical cyst which has now been ruptured and is leaking. The leaking is good, as it makes less pressure and pain for John. It's all pretty gross, as the leaking is from his belly button. But I'll spare you any further details.

Got home around 5am. Missed the exam I was supposed to take at 7:45am this morning. But it happens. I'll just have to register and take it again in the coming months.

Went shopping for some cookery things today . . . you can find out more at my other blog: Right over here.

Not much else to report.

aggravation

2010-02-17T23:26:00.003-05:00

T-minus 12 days until I get married.
This is my last semester of being half-time in grad school. 2 more classes left. Ever.
My brother is still living with us.
I'm the only one with a "real" job.
Our families pretty much didn't help at all with the wedding.
My coworker has been giving me the silent treatment since we had our conference about her evaluation.
Being a supervisor is a bitch.
No one ever cooks for me.
Or does really anything for me.
I am aggravated.
And.
Tired.

Mom's giveaway

2009-10-16T00:09:00.001-04:00

My Mom's involved in a giveaway this week.... I hope that you check it out and are able to win her beautiful creation!!!

http://kindovermatter.blogspot.com/2009/10/giveaway-thursday-embrace-your-inner.html

Giveaway Thursday -- embrace your inner goddess!

This week's giveaway is from Mimi at
Comfort and Joy!

You have a chance to win one of her goddess necklaces!

To me, when I think of the word 'goddess' I think of symbols of strength and power, not necessarily physical but always-always emotional & spiritual. I think of being able to take on the world without a second thought & trusting yourself implicitly.

How to Enter:

Leave a comment describing a time when you felt like a goddess, & don't forget your e-mail address! To make this a little easier for everyone you can copy, paste & fill-in-the-blanks:

Your goddess moment:
Your e-mail address, so we can reach you if you win:

Contest ends Wednesday Oct. 21 at 8pm EST! The winner will be announced on Thursday, Oct. 22.

Bonus Entries:

If you do any of the following let us know by leaving a separate comment for each one you do. If you do any of the following already, let us know in an extra comment. Please, please make a separate comment for each of the bonus things that you do or your comment won't count. The separate comments help us to stay organized & makes choosing a winner so much easier...& it also ups your chances of winning! If you have any questions please e-mail us!

1. Follow our blog.
2. Follow Kind Over Matter on Twitter & Tweet about this giveaway.
3. Join our Flickr Pool.
4. Join our Facebook Group.
5. Subscribe to our updates in your favorite reader or by email with feedburner there on the right & you get ONE extra comment.
6. Share a photo of a card drop that you've done & make TWO extra comments.
7. Buy something from Comfort and Joy & get THREE extra comments!

Good luck everyone!!!

Drew and Drawn

2009-09-20T15:22:00.004-04:00

My friend Takako (http://designbytakako.wordpress.com) came by yesterday :) I love having friends stop by. She needed to do a few portraits conveying emotion. I always love seeing how someone else sees me. It's so different from my own perception of myself. If I could draw, it would look nothing like these. Captivating.

Also got to see my brother last night. He's a mess. Don't really want to talk about it. But he's in my thoughts. I'm very worried. Sigh. Big Sister syndrome. He may end up moving in with us soon. Which is going to end up putting a damper on my relationship with John, as he's not very keen on this idea. But you've got to do what you've got to do. It's family.

Feeling kind of quiet and sombre. Waiting for fresh direct to arrive and give us some food, finally. Been a pretty hungry week. Bank account ended up in the negative. I really hate it when things take more than a week to show up on your account. And then, oops, you spent that money already. At least I'll be getting a paycheck on Wednesday. That will help a bit. Though most of it goes right back out for bills. Since when did I have to grow up and have so many damned responsibilities? Not cool.

I'm beginning to understand why my teacher friends go out and drink so much. I've felt like drinking quite a bit this past week. I haven't, because I don't think it's the right answer or outlet for my emotions, but it's been there in the back of my mind. I know that things are going to get a lot better, but it's just hard to wait for that moment in time. I'm always trying to rush forward. I always forget that you have to experience the rough times to appreciate that moment of quiet that ends up happening later on! Can't just expect everything to go smoothly from the get-go!

Listening to chick music. Keeps my mind happy, ha. If John only knew I listened to this stuff every time he was out of the apartment . . .LOL.

Well, I feel boring, old, and tired! I need to keep on cleaning. I keep saying I will and finding something else to occupy me. IE this blog! Adieu, mes amies!

Life is full of pricks

2009-09-07T18:18:00.002-04:00

I once fell into a field of roses and felt what I discovered. There were birds and bees and other pretty things. I pet a moth and swallowed a gnat before I took a nap. When I woke the flowers were singing in the breeze and I plucked a thorn from my side before groaning and then, up up and rise. Had a conversation with a babbling brook filled with fish, from tiny minnows to fish that tricked my eyes as I tried to peer below the surface of the water, changing from blue to green and brown and back. It wasn't that lovely of a chat, simply directional and here's where I start and where I might end, but for all I know I'm a circle, I've never seen my end. And I thought, hey, that's a little bit like me. There's all this stuff, but who's to say what's up and down, if really my organs are all around.

Jellyfishie Lovies!

2009-09-07T18:16:00.000-04:00

I am absolutely in love with the Jellyfish. Truly. Sincerely. I am in love. They are adorable. They are calm. They are funny. Inquisitive. ANNND they have barely cried at all. Which, for anyone who has ever worked with young children, is a miracle. They've never been in school before. Never left their mommies and daddies for long periods of time. And here we are, two days in, and not a single complaint from head teacher Rachel! :)

This weekend (yay for a day off already!) I went and purchased a couple of gerbils for the classroom. George and Jerry. Hehe. I am excited to bring them into the room and let the children watch them. Jerry's pretty darn active. He used his wheel for about thirty minutes a little while ago! I think I'm going to have a better time observing them than the babies will!

Went back to Hunter this week, too. I'm taking on three classes. But the course loads seem fair, and I should be able to balance everything. I was really nervous, especially since I wasn't feeling particularly well at the beginning of the week. But I'm back on my feet and back in action, and very excited to learn things that I can immediately apply to my classroom!

All of me

2009-06-14T21:56:00.003-04:00

All of me is splitting and spinning and dizzied on up. Finished this and tidied that but loose strands splayed all across her view and bowled her over before she could have possibly known she would fall. Whoosh went the wind and bounce went her body and then it started all over again. And again. Then again again. And you know the rest of this sordid story, don't you?

The blah week

2009-06-10T22:13:00.003-04:00

I knew feeling great and energized at work would be short lived. I feel like crap this week. I don't know if it's some sort of cold, really draining allergies, or something else that I can't fathom yet. All I know is that I have very little patience, and that the kids are really driving me up the wall. It doesn't help that nearly everything that needs to get done for project expo is literally up to me! God. It's like I don't even work with another teacher. It's kind of driving me crazy that she expects me to get everything done. Thankfully I know what I'm doing and I know how to do it quickly. But it's a pain to be the person who has to get all the stuff accomplished!

Class is going well; I'm going to be observed in the classroom tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Gonna go to the zoo this weekend. Maybe some art fair in Brooklyn. Who knows what else. I don't feel like being cooped up inside, though!

Missing

2009-05-31T13:22:00.001-04:00

We've been going to a lot of zoos, lately. We've been looking at animals and finding out their quirks. I know more animal names now than I did a month ago. Sometimes it feels exotic, and other times I feel that I've lacked common sense. Things like this always keep me off guard.

The sun shines sometimes, and other times it's tucked away behind the clouds. Like some kind of punishment. Banished. Vamoose. Adios. I miss you sun.

Once upon a star, a little light went off. When I looked, it wasn't there. And then I fell asleep and thought about it not once more. Feelings are just that, but the thing about them that doesn't make any sense at all is that you can't touch them. What's the use of feeling without a touch?

Stormy gray clouds over mashed potato mornings with orange juice in a glass that captures bugs after two minutes of disuse. Makes the sink crowded with cups. Not enough soap to wash them clean. More bugs ensue.

Miss poetry. Miss thinking, and deeply, too. Miss writing on blogs and listening to the secrets of friends. The secrets of strangers. Miss lots of things that I am not no more.

Revamp

2009-05-27T23:46:00.003-04:00

Added some new color to the blog today. Felt like it was kind of dreary and Winteresque, so I livened it up for the Spring about to turn Summer. Light pastels and happy thoughts!

Feel like I may get sick, but have been trying to keep my body happy. Gave in and fell asleep for a nice three hour nap this late afternoon/early evening. Couldn't really keep my eyes open any longer. But now it'll probably be harder for me to fall asleep tonight. Go figure.

Can't wait for June 7 to roll around. Could really use the paycheck. I'm really strapped for cash until then. Can't believe I passed up on an opportunity to babysit on Monday night. Hindsight, right? Sigh.

Wish I knew more about the job I'm starting in July. I'm not really panicking about it, but I just want to know as much as possible so that I can brace myself for the duties at hand. Life is never that easy, though, is it? You just have to know what you're doing and wing it when you get put into the situation. The skills are there, it's just waiting for the opportunity and occasion.

Magic

2009-05-26T22:20:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I think it would be nice to believe in magic and fairy tales again. All of that wonder, that sense of mystery around the corner . . . I still remember the moments when I believed. I would search for dryads and nymphs, faeries and leprechauns. Every bush held an element of the ethereal, the land of make-believe. To recapture that time in my life, to stick it in a bottle so that I could return to it . . . if only, but that's just my own grown-up make believe!

The end of the year is making me so tired. I am a different person in the classroom than I was at the beginning of the year. I want to change again, morph into a person who is constantly living at the child's level, playing games with them, extending and enriching their play. But my mind is somewhere else. I need time to recollect myself. I feel different. Something is happening within me.

There is a lot of illness swirling around the school. I'm really afraid that I'm going to come down with a) Scarlet Fever, or b) Strep throat. These are the two main problems that we're battling at the moment. I know my immune system is crap, so there's a higher chance that I'll get it. Makes me sad to think about it!

I've been keeping busy and been making myself go out and have fun. I usually hole myself inside, try to relax, compensate for overextending myself during the regular week. It's been so nice to be in the sunshine, and to enjoy the many animals I never would have guessed live under the same smog-ridden sky as I. More outings to come soon, too. :)

That's about it.

Anxieties

2009-05-04T18:01:00.003-04:00

I hate it when everything is up in the air. When life sits in limbo while other people decide your fate. I've only been waiting for a week, but it honestly feels like an eternity. I just want to know one way or the other, and I'd like to know how much I'll be getting paid for it, too. You'd think they'd know these details before they set up an interview, but yeah. That's the way my school works. Cross your fingers for me!

Two and a half more weeks of this semester! I have an insurmountable load of work to do. I need to start breaking it down and working on it piece by piece. But I have this uncanny ability to put off even the most difficult work until the last possible moment. I really hope I get it together and do a great job. LOL. I plan to do one part tonight, one part tomorrow, and so on until this weekend, when I can sit down and really put all of my effort into it.

John's been gone for three days now. Well, he was home for most of Saturday, but I still count it as a day. I really hate missing him, because it's kind of lame. We live together. It should not be so hard to say goodbye for just a week. Even lamer still I actually cried when he had to go. I know it was a combination of feeling sick and weak and wanting companionship, but it was lame nonetheless! It has been nice to spread out over the whole bed and enjoy it, though!

I'm waiting for the food I ordered to arrive. I hate waiting! As I said above. I'm even in food limbo, lmao. I guess I'll go and cut up some potatoes while I wait. May as well keep my hands busy.

Lots of Love,
R.

Sheesh

2009-04-08T20:17:00.001-04:00

Just ONE more day. Thank you, Lord.

Just need to shake this sore throat.

Monday

2009-04-06T22:02:00.000-04:00

I don't hate Mondays. I'm just glad when they're over.

I <3 Spring

2009-04-05T18:29:00.004-04:00

Went to Ikea to finally get some dressers. No more ugly crap in my apartment. Woot!

Went for a walk with the boy. Had a great time just meandering, talking, soaking in the sun with my sunglasses on.

Making dinner. Rotisserized chicken. Oven baked onion potatoes. Corn. And whatever meatless meat John makes. Yummy.

Delivery of furniture will be annnny time between now and 9. Yayness. Good weekend!

I r teh Silly.

2009-04-01T23:40:00.003-04:00

I love my job. Seriously. You can't just sit around doing this just anywhere. But I could do it all day. It might even be encouraged. Bwahahaha.

Things and Such

2009-03-30T22:13:00.001-04:00

This be my friend Kara, and I, at work. With a cup of champagne! Yes, I imbibed. LOL.

Feeling OK. Today was totally draining, but whatever. Tomorrow's another day.

And then an exam on Wednesday...eep!

Sighing Again

2009-03-28T20:45:00.003-04:00

Got my tuition reimbursement, finally. Not really making me feel any better. Considering buying a new laptop. There's nothing actually wrong with this one, mind you. But, umm, new one would be nice. This one is technically John's anyway. We'll see.

I feel like curling up into a ball and sleeping for like 10,000 weeks.

Going to visit my Mom in VA in a couple of weeks. Not even that is making me feel better. Jesus Christ. What is wrong with me?

F everything.

2009-03-24T16:55:00.002-04:00

I am going crazy. I feel shaky. Not loving this sick feeling. Wanting out. Can't take it. Don't know where to go to hide from my thoughts. Not really in the mood for work. Not able to take a day off, ever. Gotta go to class. Gotta write a paper. Gotta do so many stupid little things to get from one place to the other. I don't want to do any of it. I want a break. I want to pretend to be someone else for a little while. I don't want to be in here, by myself, crying, just because it hurts to look at the sun. Sick of talking. My voice hurts. No one understands me. Do I even understand myself? How long has it been since I've had a teenage angst rant? I'm sick of being an adult all the time. I never let myself have fun. I don't even think I'm comfortable with fun. We're at odds. I get nervous. I don't like to spend too much money. I don't like to be out of control. I don't like very much. And I'm tired of it. My fat lazy ass should be at the gym right now. But here I am. F'ing sick and tired out of my mind. When do I get a break? Seriously. I am so fucking sick of this.

Anger

2009-03-22T22:43:00.005-04:00

Went to the Museum of Natural History on Monday with the 3-year-olds. Interesting experience. They are completely crazy. I love them. Each and every single one.

I was harassed at work, by a co-worker. Not. O.K.. Urgh. So, he was not terminated. And he'll be back at work tomorrow. So not ok. I have NO idea how I'm going to feel in the morning, but I'm kind of freaking out in my head right now. This sick little part of me wants him to talk to me so he can be fired. I know it won't happen. How could it? His apology included "I don't want to lose my job, Rachel." My retaliation? "I didn't want to deal with this, ____." (By the way, there was a CHILD present in the room with me).

Anyway. The weekend has been nice. I've been able to deflect a little bit and chill. Didn't get very much work done, but I'm used to putting things off now. LoL. I don't really have anything major due this week, aside from a sock puppet, so I think I'll be alright. I have a paper that I need to hand in, that was due last week, but I'm pretty sure my professor will be fine with it being late. I did have a very good reason! Lots on my mind last week.

Deep breath. He does not need to keep invading my thoughts, the way he invaded my body in the classroom. No way. Not going to let this get to me. I can be strong, I can move on. I can become impowered by this situation. I will be impowered. I am my body. I am me. I am not going to let creeps win. Never.

it's beautiful

2009-03-15T21:12:00.004-04:00

I am in love with the half-done imaginary creature in front of me. She/He is lovely. I haven't picked a gender just yet. Haha. It needs a head. And arms. And lovely beautifully painted sea weed hair. Oh how I love my art class. *Dances*

So.

2009-03-08T13:57:00.001-04:00

So, I'm leaving. I think. And I don't know when I'm going to be back. And if you call me, I don't think I'm going to be answering the phone, but I'm not certain. This is how I feel right now. I may feel differently later. Or I may feel worse and not come back. You never know. But the last thing I want to do it is be here, with you.

Kudos!

2009-03-08T12:51:00.002-04:00

Well, I joined the gym. Granted I've had this stupid cold that's prevented me from going to the gym and using said membership, but at least I've done it. I'm locked in for a year. And I intend to actually use it, this time. Last time I soooo wasted it. I didn't have any support system. This time I am going to whip John's butt into gear and make him go with me. I'm like that. I need someone to go with. For some reason it makes me feel more comfortable.

So I plan to start going tomorrow. Unless the cold takes a turn for the worse. I actually don't feel THAT bad. But I sound pretty terrible. I cough a lot.

Other than that, not too much has been going on. The headaches have been conspicuously absent since the cold arrived. Which is annoying. I don't even know why I'd be getting massive migraines anyway. Something I'm eating? Not eating? Amount of rest? Stress? Gah. Too many variables to plug into the equation. Speaking of equations, I'm going to be taking a math class over the summer. Not excited in the least. But I'm isolating it and not taking anything else for the session. Just four painful weeks of math class. Shouldn't be too bad. And I need it to graduate.

The weather has been wonderful this weekend. Wish I could have basked in the early spring sun a bit more. Wanted to go out with John, but he has issues getting out of bed. Getting really lame. Wish he was a different person sometimes. One that happened to be more aligned with me and my thinking and my waking habits. I even slept in today. But now I've been up for hours and he's still in bed. LAME.

Back to work tomorrow. It's my goal to actually make it to all of my classes this week. Hope I can manage it! I've missed them all at least once, and two of them twice already. *shameful* Can't help when ailment strikes!

Have a great day :)

2009-03-02T11:56:00.002-05:00

I only love the snow when it means I can sit at home all day doing absolutely nothing important at all. God bless you, snow day! New York NEVER has snow days. Seriously. I've lived here for almost six years now, and there's only ever been ONE snow day in my memory. I honestly thought I'd have to go in today, but my coworker texted me at six am--no school! LoL. I didn't even hear it.

Over the weekend I went to Connecticut to help my Dad. We painted the kitchen. There was wallpaper in the kitchen for as long as I can remember. He peeled it all off and everything, and we set about painting the walls "serene" which is a light blue. And the trim/wood is all this wonderful "copper pot" color. It looks amazing. The room literally feels twice as big as it did before! I had a lot of fun.

I went down in the basement and found a lot of my old drawings/writings. Like from preschool and beyond. My Dad and I had quite the laugh trying to read my writing from first grade. Whenever I didn't know a word I would just write the first letter and move on! LOL. It was really hard to decipher most of it, but proved incredibly funny at 11:30 at night after working hard all day.

Other than that, I haven't been up to toooo much. Just trying to get in enough sleep. My body doesn't seem to like me right now. The headache is creeping back in, which leads me to believe that something in my apartment is giving them to me. Great. If only I could figure out what . . .

Well, have a good one!

aaachoo!

2009-02-27T19:15:00.002-05:00

The week is finally over. It was a hell of a week. Had headaches like EVERY stinking day. But, oh well. I had two big papers due. Got it done, but at the cost of not going to work one day. Whatever. I'm at the point where I've stopped caring.

So sleepy, is me.

Else to that, not much to say.

Yup

2009-02-19T20:20:00.001-05:00

I don't care if I'm whining. I'm hungry.

Life

2009-02-18T22:50:00.001-05:00

I love life. Don't get me wrong. But I am really fed up.

I am tired of being hungry. Of not having enough money to buy a fucking can of spinach. Seriously.

I don't understand why criminals can be filthy rich and I have absolutely not a single fucking penny to my name. In fact, I'm so far in the hole I'm nearly invisible.

V-Day and Such

2009-02-15T23:46:00.003-05:00

Dun dun dun! The return of short hair! I am very happy. I was getting sick of having to deal with drying my hair and styling it and such. And now it curls blissfully and is easy to manage. John got my haircut for me as my valentines day present.

We also went out to eat at one of our favorite places, Pluck U! Which has, as you can imagine, lots of different kinds of chicken. John just had appetizers, as he's still on his vegetarian schtick. He almost caved and got chicken. But honestly it wasn't as good as it usually is, so I'm glad he didn't sacrifice 3+ years for it. John also got me flowers and made me an e-card which you can view on flickr, if you're a contact of mine.

Today I was a busy bee, making a recipe book with clippings from magazines and things I'd printed from the internet. I also answered some questions a friend had written to me--we send them back and forth. It's becoming a very artistic piece. Almost like an artist book, except . . . also a letter. Hard to explain. Anyway. I also did some homework, talked to my mom on the phone, cleaned a bit, did dishes, made dinner . . . phew!

And I feel happy :)

At Odds

2009-02-11T23:26:00.002-05:00

My body seems to set me up for failure a lot of the time. I felt so great at the beginning of the week, and yet, here I am, in the middle of the week, sporting a pretty annoying migraine that actually made me leave work early. I really tried to hang in there, but by 10:30 am it was clear that I needed to get out of there before I threw up in the classroom. I think that things would have been better if I had had excedrin. That usually makes things a-ok, but unfortunately I ran out. Sigh.

Missed my classes, too. That I don't mind very much. But at least I got all of the reading homework done, so I don't feel like I missed very much. Even if it did take me about five hours to do all the freaking reading! Insanity!

Well, I'm off. My brain is still foggy even though it's no longer throbbing.

Alive

2009-02-08T12:55:00.000-05:00

I really feel alive today. My antibiotics kicked my infection's butt and I feel like ME again! What a refreshing idea, and feeling! YAY!

Oh, The Air!

2009-02-08T10:20:00.002-05:00

Spring is flitting in the wind these past few days, and I've got to say, I'm hearing the intensely beautiful call of the season. Fell asleep with the window open and wasn't freezing cold by morning! Very exciting, indeed. The whole week is supposed to fall within the range of 40s and 50s, which is welcome news to my winter-beaten body! Maybe this sinus infection will go away and stay away for a couple of months. How nice would that be!?!

I moved around a bunch of furniture items yesterday, and I have a feeling my hands will be busy cleaning up and moving things around today, too. It's my goal to actually toss some things out, too. I have too much stuff. And for what? I'm never going to use or look at half of it again. I just collect junk, it feels like. So, out with the old, in with the clean!

And homework. Have a bunch of that to start doing. But I only have three out of four classes this week, which will be nice :) Woot. Now I'm off to do it!

Reggio, baby

2009-02-03T21:46:00.002-05:00

I am in love with my Curriculum professor. She's sweet, knowledgeable, and helpful! I'm going to be coming into her school (Horace Mann) during my February vacation. I'm so excited :) It's another Reggio inspired school. I think that it will be really great for me to gain insight into what another Reggio school does. Could be great if I'm a head-teacher next year :) Exciting.

Other than that, though, the day was lousy and I felt like my head was going to explode like all of the volcanoes we've been watching! Go figure.

In the morning, I go for my physical. Haven't decided whether or not I'm going to take the whole day off or not. We'll see. Anywho, it's off to do some reading homework for me!

Deaf

2009-02-02T19:32:00.002-05:00

It seems like I'm going deaf. My ears are clogged, or something. I know I have a cold. But this sensation in my ears is very bizarre. Everything is muffled. I feel dizzy. Faint. I felt like I was going to fall off of my chair. My head is heavy. Not cool.

Went to work today despite the deafness. It was an OK day. At least one of my 3-year-olds thought I "looked cute" today. They're really awesome at making you feel good when you feel like crud. Another of my kids told me that I'm pretty. And they hadn't heard each other. Totally random. Haha. Makes me smile all day long.

It feels like any day but Monday.

Stand Clear of the Closing Doors

2009-01-31T20:29:00.003-05:00

Went to Manhattan with John today. Our first big uber important stop? McDonalds. LOL. We are the suck. Anyway, our real purpose was to go to Blick art store and gather up supplies for my Expressive Arts class. Was pretty cheap since they're having a big sale. Then we went to Utrecht, which is another art store. Had to get a set of tempera paints. Waiting in line was a bitch, though. Must have taken at least 45 minutes. No joke! Bought more cold meds at Walgreens and dicked around inside Virgin Megastore. Then it was back to the apartment.

I stayed home from work yesterday because I really wasn't feeling very well. I'm only feeling slightly better today. How many colds have I had this season? I wish parents would keep their ill children at home so I might have a chance at a stretch of a month without illness! At least I'll be off to the doctor on Wednesday for my physical, so if I am sick with an infection, I'll be able to get medication right away.

My classes are all going to be really challenging this semester. I'm pretty scared. I cannot believe some of the crap that I've got to deal with. Oh well, whatever. I'm going to make the best of it and take from it what I can. Who knows, maybe the first day was more intimidating than the rest of the semester will be. I'll find out soon enough!

Anyway, hope you're all doing well. Thanks for commenting, Susan. Makes me feel good to know someone out there loves me, hehe. <3

2009-01-27T22:00:00.002-05:00

Had curriculum class tonight. It's going to be way intense. My portfolio is something I'm going to have to start working on like NOW. Seriously. I'm scared. Shitless.

Was head teacher. Kids were pretty darn good. Granted, not all of them were in. Always makes a difference.

Get to be head teacher again tomorrow. Don't get paid a cent more, mind you.

Might get offered an afterschool teaching position. So want.

Don't feel like complete sentences. Feel drained. Sad. My leg is killing me. Don't know why. Feels achy. Like lyme disease. Fuck.

Hope you're all well. Adios.

Monday

2009-01-26T22:27:00.003-05:00

Well, it was back to work today. And we totally rearranged the classroom. I really like the outcome, although I feel like there are elements of the old room that we're really going to miss. It would be a lot different if it were my classroom--but, it's not! So I just kind of push my opinion to a certain point and then let it go, because in the end it's not really worth arguing over. I'm not in charge just yet! But I've heard a rumor that they're going to see if I want to teach an afterschool class. Which would be totally awesome. I would absolutely love to do a science class or something to that affect. Woot. Can't wait to see what progresses there!

Tomorrow I go back to grad school. It has been an incredibly nice break. But I have a feeling that this semester is really going to fly by and I'm not going to have any issues. I already worked my ass off last semester. How much worse could it possibly get? Famous last words, I suppose! Hehe. I'll find out soon enough!

Other than that, not too much to report. My life's been pretty boring (aside from all of the aruging). But hopefully THAT will come to an end soon. We're both working on it. Easier said than done, though.

Well, have a good one!

Saturday

2009-01-24T22:53:00.002-05:00

This pretty much sums up the day.

It's been the worst day since yesterday

2009-01-23T19:52:00.002-05:00

Where to start? The kids were absolute monsters. I don't feel good. I fell and hurt my knee while at work. Had a huge argument with John that included, but definitely was not limited to the fucking bimbo he chooses to talk to, most often when I'm fast asleep in an empty mother fucking bed. That's right. He up and leaves the bed, goes to the other room and goes online and chats it on up. Yeah. Really f'ing wonderful. I'm just a bowl of happy right now. Happy Friday my ass.

And where is he right now? Out with a friend. And where I am? In that empty mother fucking bed. Alone.

<3

2009-01-22T16:49:00.001-05:00

I miss my Momma. Lots. She hasn't even been online all that often lately. I'm used to talking to her allllll the time. I am going through withdrawls.

I felt really terrible today. I even cried during my lunch break, just because I felt awful. Like I was going to pass out at any moment. But I made it through the day! And I'll make it through tomorrow. It's almost the weekend . . .and this weekend, I actually have some plans! I'm going to the Jewish history museum on Saturday, and on Sunday I'm going to Ikea with some co-workers to buy stuff for our classroom. Yay. I love Ikea. Even if it's not for me, lol.

Other than that, I am very sleepy. So I shall take a nap.

Help, I need somebody

2009-01-21T21:19:00.002-05:00

I definitely need someone to intervene here. I need someone to say: put down the second slice of pizza; put down the fries your belly is too full to digest; put down the soda. I don't know why I'm no good at it. Why I can't help myself. I suppose I give up because I know that I'm not going to have time to go to the gym or to do anything else active. I make up a lot of excuses. It's too cold to go for a walk. I don't feel that great. I'd rather take a nap. Etc. It's really lame. I'm getting angry at myself and yet it doesn't make a difference at all. I'm still eating crap and lounging around doing nothing. Wtf is wrong with me?

It doesn't help that I'm coming down with something. Itchy eyes, slight headache, sneezing, clogged up sinuses. I have been around a lot of sick children. And now I'll be going back to Hunter for my second semester. More and more germs. Back to the old sickness routine! Just when I was getting used to feeling good! Blah. Apparently one of my students had such a bad stomach virus that he ended up in the emergency room over the weekend! Poor little guy. I miss him, as he obviously hasn't been in school.

Today was a disaster and a half, but I'm feeling calmer now as it nears bed-time. Hopefully tomorrow will run a little more smoothly. If not, I may start losing my sanity. Sigh.

(John, thank you for getting me a burger--you've successfully made my pms a little less violent, lol).

Back to work

2009-01-20T19:58:00.005-05:00

Well, today the vacation ended and it was back to work. But I came back to extremely calm children--they were very diligent and focused. And for the first time EVER there was only one awake during rest time. She helped me clean out the guinea pig's cage while everyone else slept. The only thing that I'm kind of miffed about is that I was stuck in the classroom for the majority of the day while my two co-workers were setting up for the all-about-me expo that we're hosting in the gym, and then during lunch/rest, one of them was missing for an enormously long period of time without saying anything to me about it. Oh well. At least the kids were good!

The picture above was taken in Picher, Oklahoma. It looks creepy. I love it. I took a bunch of photos of abandoned or destroyed homes. I'm always fascinated by that which is depressing, morbid, and unknown. Who lived there? Where did they go? How long has it been empty?

Well, it's time for American Idol. Yes. I am pathetic and watch it.

Natural History

2009-01-18T19:22:00.002-05:00

I have about 150 more photos than this, but thought I'd share a few of them. I had a great time with Takako and John yesterday. As usual, there are no photos of me. It's like I don't even exist, lol. But anyway. If you're my friend on flickr, you can see a few more pictures there. Enjoy!

Mi Amore

2009-01-16T22:24:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow we're finally going to the museum of natural history. Woohoo. Lots of picture taking should ensue. And, if I can come up with the moola, we'll be going ice skating, too. I'm excited. There was also mention of pizza. And Takako will be coming, too. I'm so happy to finally have some plans. :)

Staying Late

2009-01-14T18:11:00.003-05:00

I stayed at work until almost 5:45, and was scheduled to get off at 3:45. I don't get paid for overtime unless it's preapproved, mind you. Oh well. I was helping the art teacher, Kara, with a project for my class. I couldn't just let her do it all on her own! There was so much work to be done. Hopefully I can take some pictures of the whole thing and let you all get a sneak peak of our "all about me" project. :) Fun stuff!

Sometimes I feel like I've been abandoned. My Momma lives so very far away. I miss her something terrible. Just chatting online isn't enough. I need her warmth. Her hugs. Her aura. My Dad--I have to call him if I want to hear from him. He doesn't have long distance on his home phone. It's a little bit ridiculous. And then I never really have anything to say to him anyway. I try really really hard, but the truth is, we haven't been close since I was a very very little girl. Like three. Seriously. And my brother? I never hear from him unless there's some kind of emergency, or some stupid drunk question that needs answering asap. As for John--there is a bit of distance there, and I couldn't really tell you why. I've been weird lately. Introspective and closed off. Missing something. All is not right and well in Rachel-land. But I want to work on it. And someone I miss very very much right now is my best friend, Laura. She has all but disappeared! I never hear a single word from her. And it's so very depressing. Of course. Sigh.

On another note, I'm ready for the new semester to begin. I'm actually getting antsy. I kind of miss having homework to do, even though I never want to do it when I have it! I'm ridiculous, I realize this. Hehe. My own kind of crazy.

I'm listening to Kelly Clarkson right now. It hits the spot. It's from a time in my life. We've all got that kind of music. That fills a certain space. *Nod* Well, I'm off. Dinner will be ready pretty soon :)

Love in the time of migraines

2009-01-13T23:13:00.002-05:00

Man. I keep getting really killer headaches. I don't know what on earth could be causing them to be this severe. I was in bed this morning (because I took time off to go for a physical--but, alas, it was canceled and couldn't be rescheduled until February!), took a "nap" during my lunch break, and was in bed from the time I got home from work (4:45) until around 8:30 PM!! I took liquid tylenol three times, and finally switched over to excedrin. Jesus.

On the bright side, I got to help the kidlets make strawberry jam during afterschool today. What a yummy treat, and really very simple. Just frozen strawberries, sugar, and lemon juice over heat. How much easier can you get? Plus they used cookie cutters to make their bread more interesting, lol. Maybe we can replicate the recipe in my classroom, as we are studying fruits and vegetables at the present time. And soon it might turn into a gardening project where we can actually watch our food grow. We asked them where fruits/veggies come from, and they could only think of: grocery store. So interesting!

Only a week and a half left before my second semester begins. I feel nervous all over again! I have no idea why. If I could pull of a 4.0 last time, I'm sure I'll be just fine. But I always get the back to school butterflies. I really hope that I have a great set of teachers this time around.

John was really terffified by my last post. Which is weird to me. Why is having kids so terrifying to some people, and so completely and utterly amazing to others? Bleh. It's hard for me to imagine an opinion other than my own, lol.

Well, I'm off to bed soon. Even though I've been in bed all day!

2009-01-11T10:02:00.004-05:00

I had some really great dreams last night. Funny, my best dreams include getting (accidentally) pregnant. I wish I didn't want to be a mommy so badly. And a wife. I never thought of myself as a girly-girl, wanting the all-American dream. But here I am, 23 years old. And I would be so happy to be living with a husband and 3 little kids. Sigh. Too bad the prospective husband doesn't see life the same way. Still doesn't know if he even wants kids. But if he chooses me, he chooses having children, too. In the next couple of years, too, dammit.

At least I get to play with little kids all day during the week. A lot of people ask me if that serves as my birth control, but it doesn't. It further stirs the want-pot. I love them all, even on their worst days. They are so pure, so good, so curious about the world. To witness and foster that, within my own home . . . I couldn't ask for anything greater.

And you never know, an accident could happen. Not that I'm wishing or praying for it. But I definitely wouldn't be upset by it. Then again, I'd be broke as hell if that happened. Not that I'm NOT broke now. But I'd make it work. Yep.

I'm listening to some awesome free music from iTunes--an indie mix. I think I may have to invest in a few new artists. I can't get the songs out of my head. A few of my favorites include: The Whispertown 2000, Lisa Hannigan, Steve Reynolds . . . and many more.

Well, back to the 1000 piece puzzle I started last night. I'm about 1/4 done already. Woot!

Change?

2009-01-02T09:19:00.002-05:00

I really don't think that this year is going to hold anything different for me. Work. Grad school. I keep mulling over the possibilities in my head, but I just can't imagine anyone or anything in my life really changing. Which, I guess, could prompt me to make a change. Who knows.

Yesterday was a typical day in my life. We make plans. I break the plans because I realize that we're absolutely broke and it's not good to pile on more credit card debt. We argue. And argue. And argue. Then go out and do something inane. And come home. And life is OK again.

Driving with my brother and his girlfriend to Virginia today. It'll be nice to see my Mom, but it's going to be an awfully brief trip. We'll be driving home on Sunday morning. Gotta love the fact that I'll be in the car for like ... sixteen hours within the next two days. Bleh!

I'm sleepy but I can't sleep. That's the pits.

My BORING NYE.

2008-12-31T13:52:00.000-05:00

To Do:

-Wake John up (yes, it's almost 2pm)
-Go to grocery store
-Goof around on the internet
-Play some Sims 2
-Maybe reorganize the furniture?
-Eat something
-Watch the ball drop?

Bleh. I hate having no plans whatsoever. My life = way boring.

Waiting on the Sunshine

2008-12-30T12:43:00.002-05:00

So, John's still sleeping. Surprise surprise. We're supposed to be off, galavanting into the wilds of the Museum of Natural History. I really hate how I have to lay around, doing nothing, while he's off in dream land. He's been in bed for 13 hours now, for the record.

Our trip to Oklahoma was pretty good. It was also pretty darn boring, but I suppose it would have been equally boring to stay in New York for Christmas. I got to meet all of John's new cousins. Bitty babies and big ones, too, running around and playing. I had a lot of fun playing with his cousin Brelie. Of course, I can't discern if that's the proper spelling or not. I met Carly Jo and Rhett, too. And his cousins Alidale, Emma, Tanner . . . and that's just one side of the family! I was also able to meet Lake, Emma, Natalie on the other side of his family. I could spend every day surrounded by kids. Heh.

We didn't venture too far around the area--went to Joplin a couple of times (which is in Missouri). I was able to upgrade my phone. Woohoo. I loved my old one, but the new one has a keyboard, which is totally the best.

On Saturday morning, bright and early at 4 AM, we headed out to the airport--only to find out that our second flight was canceled and we would have been stuck in Chicago. So we rescheduled for Monday, and not only got to stay longer in Oklahoma (not that I wanted to . . .) but we also upgraded to a direct flight!

Not too much else to report. I finally was put on antibiotics and I feel a million times better. Go figure. Hope you all had a lovely holiday :)

Sickly Me

2008-12-20T13:22:00.002-05:00

Yep. Still sick, I am. I cannot believe that this virus is still taking me down. I went to the doctor at eight-thirty this morning because I was absolutely sure that I have pink eye, an ear infection, a sinus infection, and a sore throat. Alas, all are just: "VIRUS." Which means I get absolutely no help whatsoever. A waste of money. I couldn't afford to go to the doctor until this morning. And when I get there, she looks at me for two minutes and tells me that I am screwed and she won't do anything, basically.

I am so angry and upset. I called my mom right after and was actually crying as I drudged through Union Square over to Walgreens so that I could get a 'neti pot' and some sudafed with that stuff that makes it be behind the counter. BLEH.

Our flight to Oklahoma was supposed to be this morning, but it was canceled yesterday due to snow in Chicago. As that's where our lay-over will be. So we're rescheduled for tomorrow. Unbelievable. I bet we'll leave wicked late tomorrow, too. Oh well. It'll be nice to be out of the city for a little while. Time to clear my head and let my aching body get some much deserved rest.

A nice hot shower would help, but, of course, our apartment building is the fail and hasn't provided us with hot water for five days now. The water heater is completely useless and they need to replace it, but the new one hasn't arrived yet, as they ordered it on Thursday night. Why they had to wait until Thursday to figure it out is beyond me, because we've been gross since, oh, Tuesday. Fuckers.

At least my semester at school is over, and I don't have to go back to work until January 5, 2009. I can't believe the year is about to change. This year went by faster than any other year has for me! Even though the school work made it slow down a bit this fall, heh. But due dates and everything crept up on me faster than ever before. In three more semesters, theoretically, I'll be able to graduate! This is very exciting to me.

Well, back to get some more rest. My eye is watering like mad. Better than crusty boogers, right? Gross.

Break-Time

2008-12-15T16:49:00.002-05:00

I have a paper due tomorrow that I haven't even had the faculties to look at yet. I have a paper due on Thursday. I have a group presentation on Thursday. I have to play head teacher tomorrow because Yanira isn't going to be in because SHE has a paper due tomorrow, too. I am sick. I am tired. I am sick of listening to excuses from other people who can't get their act together--I am just SO ready to be done with everything.

I NEED A BREAK.

Friday cannot role around fast enough for me! I need to get the kids some kind of holiday gift, too. I want to give them a little something. They mean the world to me. :) I've never loved a job. And after one year, I still love this job. Something to hold on to, for sure.

Wow.

2008-12-14T21:04:00.002-05:00

Another day wasted. I did nothing. I mean I wrote a few notes for the paper I have due on Tuesday--but man, I totally blew this day away. Sigh.

At least I got the tub scrubbed. Something, right? And my fever is going down. Yay. Small victories?

It's the weekend

2008-12-14T14:11:00.001-05:00

I'm in love with Regina, Regina, Regina-aaa-aaaa-aaaaa! I thank her for the blog name. And most other pseudonyms I use on the internets.

This weekend has brought nothing but bedrest and agony. I've got a pretty wicked cold kicking my ass right now. Stuffed up nose, dripping throat, clogged lungs . . . the whole works. Last night I was running a fever and became pretty delirious. I was laughing for no reason, crying just for the hell of it (seemingly), and using the air to make food, do dishes, etc. It's weird to me that I remember doing these things, but I couldn't stop myself from doing them, either. Go figure.

I only have two more papers to finish up. One is nearly complete, the other is still a blank document, a tabula rasa, waiting for me to pen my teaching philosophy and print. Sigh. Would that I could write in my sleep.

Currently I'm chewing on a lemon that recently flavored my water. I'm not big on the whole water consumption, because it's rather boring and unpleasant to swallow. I oft add yummy flavors to it so that it becomes a bit more enjoyable. Lemon, of course, is one of them, and vanilla is a close second. Any suggestions on what to add? I'd like to get some peppermint extract and try that out.

Not much else going on. Trying to get John out of the house and into the laundromat. Or, to the grocery store. Or to the pharmacy. Alas, that he even got out of bed is amazing. He spends most of his days there, wasting away without a job in sight. Anyone know of any jobs open in the film business? Of course not. Sigh.

The WNP Christmas party went down on Friday night. I didn't get to go last year because John was in the hopsital. This year was really nice. I sat at a table and talked with one of my co-workers and her boyfriend. It was great because we never have an opportunity to really talk during the work week. Hopefully I'll get to know her better :) It's nice to kind of sort of have new friends. Haha. Anyway, the dinner was delicious. I only partook of two drinks, as I was so sick and wasn't really enjoying the alcohol. John had, of course, four drinks. But you're not supposed to drink with his medications--so he wasn't feeling very well. We left an hour early--before I could be dragged out onto the dance floor. Hehehehe.

And now I have to create a new word document and start on these last few projects. Alas! Adieu.